Heart Of Surviving

I need sleep!:)

2012-02-01T22:41:00.001-05:00

I am just popping in before I head to bed. Its been a busy few days. I am beat. I came back home later this afternoon and took my shoes and street clothes off..Threw on my comfortable jeans...tee shirt and my favorite slippers!! I know, I know, but I love rainbows and my granddaughter loves the Kitty!! So for $3.00 it was worth it to hear her response!! :)

I am staying in the here, now and being present...and that is where I need to be for now.

Sweet Dreams.

Crazy Busy Month.

2012-01-29T22:09:00.003-05:00

The start of 2012 has been really busy. My Husband and I were able to spend a few days away. Very close to Lake Michigan. In a city called Ludington. Its by far one of my favorite places. Lots of reasons but loving our lakes as I do here. Lake Michigan is my favorite.

We spend three day there and walked a lot..Yes walking near the lake and the trails in the State Park. It was like spring here. Well in to the 40's and low 50's. Which was so odd for January. We saw a lot and I was able to really walk and stick to my plan of walking daily. So I was happy about that.

Also got to use my new DSLR Camera. Which I got from my Hubby as a gift for Christmas. Trial and Error..for now but we did fine...:) These are a few of my favorites!! Love the little smile on his face!!

We came back on the heels of a storm. Knowing as well that Mom was going in for possible surgery on her knee...She did and all is well. So thankful!!!

So I am heading off to get some rest. Doctors appointments for Mom in the morning. Unless we get snowed in...Doubt that is happening.

Just getting over whatever this crud is..that is going around...So hoping its all good in the morning. I have been good to take the meds I have and things are much better!!

Sighs....Wish we were was back on the beach!!!

Have a great night.
Wishing you and yours blessings.

Sunday Thoughts

2012-01-29T13:35:00.000-05:00

Linking up with Deidra for quiet reflections, this Sunday.

Wishing you blessings.

Sunday Thoughts.

2012-01-22T17:50:00.002-05:00

Ludington State Park Jan 2012 Hopesrising Studio

It is always this one place that God reminds me to get rid of my worries.
*Cast all your anxiety on Him,because he cares for you.* 1 Peter 5:7
I often wish this place was closer to home...because its such a place of
refelction for me.

Join us here.

Wishing you many blessings!

Sunday Thoughts.

2012-01-14T22:29:00.000-05:00

Quite reflection this evening....and tomarrow . Please join us.

Wishing you blessings.

Embrace.

2012-01-08T22:36:00.001-05:00

*You can clutch your past so tightly to your chest, that it leaves your arms to full to embrace the present.* Jan Glidewell.

Taking some time to embrace the present!!Releasing the old and welcoming in the new!! Be back in a few days!!!:)

Wishing you blessings!

Life

2012-01-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

Its not that life has been easy, perfect or exactly what I expected. I choose to be HAPPY and GRATEFUL no matter how it all turns out!

Wishing you blessings!

Sweet Dreams.

2012-01-01T23:10:00.002-05:00

Its so much work to put the tree up. I also got it up late this year. A few days prior to Christmas. So I
doubt anyone here will want it down just yet. I love the glow in the room from it and enjoy having it
up. So till someone complains its here to stay.

Heading off for some sleep. Sweet Dreams.

Wishing you blessings!

Sunday Thoughts

2012-01-01T20:49:00.003-05:00

If you can't read it click on the photo....to see the Message.

Sharing a quiet reflection.

Wishing you blessings.

Year Ending.

2011-12-29T20:09:00.007-05:00

2011 has just about passed like a whirlwind, for me. Lots of emotional sorting , silence and growth. This year started really rough. Some of which was not posted here. I didn't know how to write it ,so I let it go and let it lay. Sometimes its for the best.

A few days ago I ran in to an old friend. Who lost his wife due to Breast Cancer. He was really supportive of me . He asked me to tell him my story....because though he listened to me many times. He was preoccupied with his wife and kids. I sent him an email and he found our phone number. He stated he never realized some of what I went through....Simply because I really do not complain about it.. I had to smile. I do but its a private and personal battle at times. I often think to...who likes to hear others complain. We have the right to I guess. Its simply not who I am.

I often think each person caregiver or survivor has their own scars. Due to the battles fought. Some think the scars are ugly and should be never spoken about. I for one don't agree. Scars should be seen, they tell a story that we cared for others. Scars show we did overcome something. They are often caused my trauma and pain.

I also think to....I need to share this. Some of us are lucky and make it. As I have told others its a gift but its laced with many health issues. Its a blessing and at times a curse. Due to the long term issues of treatment it really is tough at times. Your cancer is in remission...its a wonderful thing. NOT a cure. Your here and dealing with long term effects, because you made choices to do aggressive treatments. You have pushed all the buttons...to have no evidence of a disease you hate. You end up paying in the long run...Sometimes the complications are life changing and altering. Its hard because your scars re open and the pain comes back to the surface.I can't even tell you what some deal with emotionally and mentally. Its almost worse then the physical part of it, at times.

Scars say we won a battle....They speak volumes. Our stories, yours and mine are powerful. May we always remember how powerful we are and our stories.

If I encouraged one person...then I did my job this year.

Bring it on 2012!!

Wishing you holiday blessings.

Quiet Holiday.

2011-12-28T18:23:00.001-05:00

I think we are finally on the mend!! Saying that and knocking on wood!! Two antibiotics later I finally feel good again!!

We were able to have a quiet and nice Christmas with our Kids. With a nice dinner.

We will see our parents this week. When the oldest son is over this stuff. I don't care to take this to his Mom. Who has not felt well. Or my folks, with my mom in continuing Physical therapy for her arm and shoulder after therapy.

So its been really a quiet holiday here. Strange in a way with so many of our elderly family passing away this year. I really miss the holiday connects we had with all of them, as does my husband.

So we started new traditions with our Kids...and did have a lot of fun. I am sure with the weekend coming there will be more fun to be had.

That's about it from here, spent a few hours just trying to learn how to work my new camera from my family today. ( My old one died! Over use I think!) I think I have the basics down. Now I just need the family for a picture all in one place!!

Wishing you wonderful holiday blessings!

Sunday Thoughts.

2011-12-24T22:15:00.000-05:00

And an angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were filled with fear. And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger.” -Luke 2: 9-12

A silent night, a star above,a blessed gift of hope and love. A blessed Christmas to you and yours.

Thursday

2011-12-21T19:31:00.003-05:00

Its been pretty quiet around here this week. All of us girls have that crud that is going around. Its pretty nasty. So we have been resting and just regrouping most of the week. In hopes that we will all feel better to have dinner as a family on Christmas.

Our tree is finally up and some decorations but the thing missing is the lower part of the tree. Our Granddaughter does that...So they are sitting under the tree for her to finish it up. As well as me to take her picture doing so.

Really that is my favorite thing getting together and seeing each other.Having dinner is a given. Its not at all about the gifts but what we share and the memories we will make.

I also realize what a gift it is to be here and share with everyone.Oh and what a gift I have been given!!!

Wishing you and yours blessings each and every day!!

Sunday Thoughts.

2011-12-17T23:36:00.006-05:00

*I will turn your mourning into dancing and surround you with joy.* Psalm 30:11

Wishing you and yours blessings.

Sunday Thoughts.

2011-12-11T13:42:00.004-05:00

Words don't come easy some days...do they. All I know is that my life with has changed as has my perspective. I know to that whatever happens to me here, its just not as important as what I might see in eternity....I know that is a lot to fathom....are we just passing through? I believe so.

I was also thinking of something I read in James Dobsons book...When God Doesn't Make Sense.

*God pretty much tells us we will suffer to expect it. I think its human pretty much when we see illness , death and tragedies in our life's.*

Then it hits us....It did , neo natal babies, loss of jobs, loss of loved ones, cancer, other illness and life in general....We are human we say: *Why me???* Now its so weird I hear things come outta my mouth ....like *Why not me!* I guess in so many ways I preserver through it knowing it is * His purpose.*

Joining Deidra, today in quite thought.

Wishing you and yours blessings on this Sunday!

Quote

2011-12-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

"Today, no matter what you may be facing, focus on moving forward. God has already ordered your steps and arranged good things for you. Keep praying, and keep believing. Keep hope alive, because there is favor in store for your future!” ~ Author Unknown

Wishing blessings to you and yours.

Grateful!

2011-12-06T12:00:00.003-05:00

To those who have asked and messaged me...Thank You. To those who prayed, Thank You!!

I have received a call,a copy of the pathology reports and bio chem panel. With every thing done and complete test wise. Path reports are clean from the current biopsies. I remain in a good Clinical Remission!!

I am still on a six month schedule with my doctors. That to me keeps me vigilant in my case with my forms of cancer. As well as pro-active to do every thing possible in the way of wellness.

Tomorrow I head back to the surgeon to get these stitches removed. I can't wait to have that done. They are itching like crazy and so annoying!! :D

I am also glad I got the pathology reports first to know things are good!I will be less stressful.

Anyways...life is good. Remission is the best I have...so I will take it and be extremely grateful!!

Heading out to spend the day with my Hubby.

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Sunday

2011-12-04T22:29:00.000-05:00

* I will tell you the truth, you will weep and mourn,while the world rejoices.You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy. A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come: but when her baby is born the forgets the anguish because of all her joy that a child is born to the world. So with you: Now is your time of grief, but you will see again you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.* ~John 16:20-22

Jesus knew well the awesome power of hope. What a precious commodity it is. Hope can be infused in the most barren places. He will lavish us with hope during the toughest times.
That is our hope! That that through any hardship, all of it. That promise remains.

Joining Deidra in quiet thought.

Powerful Thought.

2011-11-30T10:50:00.000-05:00

"Each one of us is merely a small instrument. When you look at the inner workings of electrical things, often you see small and big wires, new and old, cheap and expensive, lined up. Until the current passes through them, there will be no light. That wire is you and me. The current is a higher energy. We have the power to let the current pass through us, use us, produce the light of the world. Or we can refuse to be used and allow darkness to spread" - Mother Teresa

Yesterday.

2011-11-29T23:27:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was not a fun day. My surgeon was behind schedule and sitting in the surgical suite isn't some thing I want to do ever! It just makes me more antzy and annoyed.

When he finally came in. His choice was to do things right away. I figured that but I really wasn't that happy.

He went to work and I have to say when he first started on the worse of the three. The worst thing is when they numb you locally is that if anything is deep...they have to do it again and wait a few minutes for it to take. I felt like a tearing, let out a week *holy cow that hurt!* I could feel the tears soaking the pillow my head was on...Then I managed a week smile..through my tears. Him knowing me for 14yrs...Knew I was okay to continue.

It was fast and he was done.

So today I feel like my back is pretty bruised but just twinges of pain not a constant things! Thank goodness.

He mentioned what he thought but wanted more info on the pathology reports to be sure. So I will post more when I know.

I have to call the Oncologist in the morning and let him go to work on getting the Pathology Reports. Now that its done and complete.

I had back next week to get the stitches removed. We did change the bandages and things looked good tonight. I will have to say *Holy cow that one smarts!*

Anyways other than that it was a very quite day. Lots of rain and wicked winds most of the day . Everyone got Snow around us!! Maybe later tonight it will snow. :)

Anyways I am going to grab my Motrin and head off to catch some sleep.

Wishing you and yours blessing.

We had a great weekend. Now to get down to business.

2011-11-28T11:26:00.000-05:00

We has a beautiful Thanksgiving and weekend with Family. We are so blessed its amazing.
Spend some time with friends, catching up and had a wonderful visit.
Shared some hard times and blessings with my Sister.♥ I had 4 sisters and talked to each one over the weekend. I so miss those who are outta state this time of year!♥ I really really do.

Today I head out to see my surgeon. I feel a bit perplexed on things. It is what is and needs checking out. So that is what the plan is to see whats going on. One huge blessing is that my blood work is all great so taking that and holding in tightly knowing that. Then leaving the rest in God's hands.

I love my surgeon he is very good..and has made good choices in the past. So we will see how it goes. I am ready to get this taken care of.

Please add us to your prayers.

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Thankful

2011-11-23T20:25:00.000-05:00

Maine August 2011...Favorite Place.:)

So much to be thankful for this year. This had been one heck of a few weeks. My. mom is doing well. She had the surgery on her arm early yesterday morning and is doing very well. I am so thankful for that. My sister and her husband were able to come and help yesterday . I know Dad was so happy we were all there!
I checked on them earlier today and they are doing as good as could be expected!! So we have been blessed.
I also got my Bio Chem Blood Panel back and that news was all good. No concerns on that. So that to is a blessing. I also have lost thirty pounds due to all the dental work, which has helped other health concerns. So I can't complain about this...Just darn happy tonight on this.
I also talked to my surgeons nurse. Who looked up my current info from my oncologist. So I will see him Monday to discuss the one problem we need to address. I feel better knowing my blood work does not reflect Lymphoma or other issues. Whew!!! Yea!!!
So there is a lot to be grateful for. So much in fact that I feel humbled by the blessings in my life.
Tomorrow we head for my daughters and son in laws for dinner with our family. I can't wait to just spend the day with everyone. Just relax and enjoy a quiet day.

Have a great day tomorrow. Happy Roasting!!

Happy Thanksgiving.

2011-11-23T16:29:00.004-05:00

Wishing you and your family blessings big and small. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Linking Up.

2011-11-20T19:16:00.006-05:00

Tonight I am linking with Kellys Korner. She has posted about a group of *older women bloggers.*

I am 56 . I have two Sons ages 30 and 25. A Daughter in between who is 28 who is married. I am also blessed with a beautiful Granddaughter who will soon be five.

My Husband and I have been married 33 yrs. He is retired and I am enjoying twice the amount of husband. Considering he was a Fire Fighter/ EMT. for 21 yrs . Now we have normalcy with no crazy hours like we once had.

So we are adjusting to retirement and enjoying life.

I use to blog for years with MSN Spaces. My blog was Club Sammich Cafe©. When MSN Spaces closed down.I moved it over to Wordpress. Then opted for Blogger to blog. It was just easier to
learn. I used the pen name of Hope.

I love spending time with my family. As much as I can. I also have a great interest in photography and am an artist as well.

Welcome to those who might stop by!!!

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Update.

2011-11-20T17:17:00.001-05:00

I have not blogged much this week. I felt pretty overwhelmed with things here.
My mom has not been well and having a lot of lower back pain. She had a much needed bone scan due to Osteo Arthritis. As well as an Ultra Sound and Xrays. They thought there was a issue due to a shadow on Kidney. Thank Goodness it was nothing!! Whew! She is 82 and has so many things going on health wise. That this is a real blessings. Even her doctor commented, That he wished all his elderly patients kidneys he wished looked this great! So thank goodness!

Mom also has arm surgery this week and 2 weeks in a sling. So there is no way Dad can do this alone. So it will be a busy week I am sure with Thanksgiving as well!!

I was sitting at my oncology appointment, when my parents were at this appointment. I was really concerned. Enough that my blood pressure was to the moon!! Just outta concern for them.

My appointment went well. Although on glitch a new lump has surfaced and that is not a good thing. So I am will talk to my surgeon Monday to see if
I can get a date for another biopsy!! Then he will send pathology to my Oncologist!! AS we wait for my blood tests to return...we will deal with this quickly as we can. Depending on what this is...Does not feel like Lymphoma or look like a skin cancer issue. So I don't know what to think nor did he at this point.

So I don't know what to think but worrying won't get me any place at this point. So putting it in God's hands where it needs to be placed.

I also had a flu shot due to my immune system being so rotten. Oh joy!! I am not sure what is the difference in this years flu bugs. All I know is that I had a wicked headache that finally is gone!! So I hope that is it with that. I know I need it but I hate how it makes me feel for a few days. However it beats being hospitalized for the flu. Which has happened in the past.

So we are just hoping we can get in and get things taken care of fast. I really hate when this happens for the holidays. So many things to do on top of this!!!

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Gifted

2011-11-14T22:46:00.001-05:00

"We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light." ~Evelyn Dunbar

Wishing you blessings big and small in your day!

Precious Privilege.

2011-11-06T23:01:00.001-05:00

“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.”—Marcus Aurelius

Sweet Dreams!!

Your Life

2011-10-21T17:11:00.003-04:00

You define your life. Don't let others steal your joy or write your story!

Indian Summer Bloom.

2011-10-17T23:34:00.000-04:00

Its not what is in your wallet that makes you happy. Its what you carry in your heart.

Wising you big and small blessings!

Better

2011-10-11T00:01:00.001-04:00

Sometimes we don't get what we want -sometimes we get something better. More to come on this! When I get some sleep! Life is good!

Thoughts.

2011-10-06T23:16:00.000-04:00

Tiny Love © Hopesrising Studio

There is a lot to be said about life. Life is about people not about things. I so wish many would remember that and think seriously about their actions.

We need to get back to who is in our life not what we have and our things.

We live by pretty simple means. When I got sick I won't forget how things fell to the side and people mattered the most. Those who we love and love us are such a gift.

The saying is an old one but its so very true. I hold those who have been in it for the long haul very close to my heart. Things...*We can't take it with us when we die.* No importance on things for me.

Its a hard lesson to learn and its sad some don't ever really realize the most important things in life are not things!!

Today we went to a local park near the water. Took our lunch had a picnic and fed the squirrels peanuts. (I know they are spoiled now!) Walked by the marina. Felt the warm Indian Summer breezes kiss our faces. Sat in the warm sunshine. Saw a large Blue Heron...soar in a perfect turquoise sky. Amazing!

So this is something I hold dear and take with me. Spending the day with someone I love in God's classroom. You never know what he has in store for us. All we have to do is walk in the door.

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Good & Bad

2011-09-29T16:11:00.000-04:00

Reflecting today on this day. Thirty three years ago my husband and I were married. I wouldn't change much simply, because I married my best friend.When things are great he is awesome and when things hit the fan he is extraordinary!!

Fourteen years ago I had my first cancer surgery as well on our anniversary of all days. We held on for dear life and still to this day do the same. That was a hard and treacherous time for us. A wicked roller coaster ride...but that is life at times.

Today we are reminded to of the date when I found out I was in a good clinical remission from stage four Non Hodgkin Lymphoma. Still holding and doing well. I can't complain as rotten as the trial was.Ten years later I am still here to share our story. Something that God gets the glory for.

So in life we just have to take the good with the bad. Love each other and keep pushing forward.

Today we Celebrate Life !!

Happy Anniversary!!

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Love this quote.

2011-09-28T20:51:00.000-04:00

Have a great night.

HOPE

2011-09-28T20:08:00.000-04:00

In just thinking about Hope There is a lot to say about it. There are times I wish that my life was different or I could think *Why Me!! * Then I think: *Why not me!* I simply believe in my core values and virtues for a good Christian life. I am not perfect far from it but the values entrusted to me continue : God first, family second and the rest will fall into place.

Today I was sitting here painting and drawing. Soul restoring is a positive thing when your dealing with things in life!! Its something I love to do and it gives me time to work on restoring on some of the hardships cancer dealt. My hands are finally getting well enough to paint and draw more. People told me it would never get better. I just had to keep trying and working on it. Hoping and trusting that one day it would get better. IF I kept working at things it would. Finally last year things started to get better. Now I just need more time to paint and draw. One could hope!

I heard this the other day...and its so true : *God's grace isn't always comfortable, because he isn't always working on our comfort but our character* I think the Paul Tripp wrote the quote. Going through hardship is tough. Sometimes so tough that we wonder is it okay to hope any more. Its simple :*We with Faith, Hope in God*

Just some thoughts. Linking to Ann.

Wishing you blessing both big and small,

Change

2011-09-23T21:09:00.001-04:00

Have a great weekend.
Wishing you blessings big and small.

Savor

2011-09-19T20:20:00.001-04:00

Finally it happened I got hungry and brave enough to try eatting an apple. Well most would say no challenge.For me its been about two years since I just sat grabbed an apple and could eat it.

Today my only request when my Hubby went to the Fruit Market. Was a Michigan McIntosh Apple. I wanted one. Gotta love this man. He brings me a entire bag!! :D

Anyways I tried once with the skin on. A no go! So that was that. I cut off the skin. Tried again. I have to say...a big deal! Ultra juicy, smelled like fall and special tartness all its own!! Perfect!!

So never say never !!!

One

2011-09-19T16:51:00.003-04:00

That pretty much says it all today!! Grab the joy in the little things. For one day those
small things become the big things.

Wishing you blessings big and small.

Update

2011-09-18T19:16:00.007-04:00

Long UPDATE: Not being a writer..persay...Please excuse any errors.

I have wanted to write this post for some time. Last year around this time we embarked on life changing journey. Cancer is one that is life altering. However treatment of cancer and the long term issues if you survive it. Are something I have been dealing with this year. Being a long term survivor is a wonderful gift.

However the long term side effects that leave long term issues its mind boggling.
August of last year we met with a Prosthodonist in Restorative Dentistry locally. It began a journey to fix the damage from chemo and radiation. When I started it was a long process, due to being in a Dental School setting. I see now that this was the best possible situation for me.After talking to my Doctors,Oncologists and Radiation Oncologists., Surgeons and many dentists . I finally settled for the Dental School. Best choice I made.

I was finally cleared for by everyone in Feb 22,2011, for oral surgery. With the Oral-Maxillofacial Surgery Dept went to work. Two and half hours later , extractions, alveoplasty, and several other small procedures I was finished. I was one sorry puppy. I did well and the healing process,thank goodness went very well. No hyperbaric treatments for healing needed. Thank the good Lord!!

After six weeks of healing soft foods and struggling. There I was back in the Restorative Dentistry. I was really excited to get this done with. However its a slow and tedious process of prosthetic devices/aka dentures or any thing of this type.

That day he started the Restoration of my bottom six teeth and a cleaning. Ouch. Not pleasant, however not as bad as before with the way my teeth were deteriorating. As well as my gums, and chronic infections. I was lucky after three courses of antibiotics things cleared. Its really the best I have felt in a very long time.

Three weeks later we finished up the restoration process and did a post op impression to start my devices.
That was on April 29th. After that I was in his office for each week on Friday to make all the impressions, calculations , bite registrations and then finally last impressions.

On June 3rd, I went in rather weary wondering when this part of the journey would be finished. He did one impression. Then handed me a large book with a sample of teeth. Imagine...that. I had to chuckle. I really did. We had a discussion on what would be four different sizes that might work..and shape wise. We finished that then it was on to color and what I wanted..No rules. He helped me make a choice and then we left wondering did we make the right choices.

June 10th, was day of getting to see what they might look like in a mold and in my mouth that was strange to. It all worked. Looked great. I was still really worried will I be able to do this, wear them and function to. For me it was not all the cosmetics but for function...Could I eat chew and speak correctly again. It was all questionable.

Along with all of this I have a tiny palate a hassle and all that plastic was making me gag. It was just not a good thing. Functioning issues that needed to be overcome...Could I do this.

June 17th I went back into an office seeing not the faces of a dental crew...but those who had worked for almost a year to make things work for me. I was pretty much overwhelmed when I saw the teeth, my teeth sitting there. Emotionally it had been a ton of anxiety and walking around for four months minus teeth not a fun or easy thing to do. Long story...but it was best of times and worst of time. Worse because of the medical, emotional and mental toll on us . Then the financial toll of not having dental insurance. Not a good thing when talking Restorative Dentistry. Big bucks. Best because of the people coming together to make this outcome the best possible.

So that day my husband I embarked on another part of the journey. My bottom specially made device fit well and not a issue. My top one was making me gag. It looked great but due to the bone called a Tori in my upper plate..its so close to the back of my mouth and things crowded in there was making it really hard that day.

My Prosthodonist is doing orthodontics himself..So we had a discussion about the gagging and things that might help. Things that helped him and how he got use to the wires over the top of his mouth from side to side. That helped me to focus that I might work though to a better point.

The ride home...The top was in and out of my mouth so many times. It was crazy. At the end of the day I finally had them in for five and half hours at once. I couldn't eat a thing with them in..But I was able to drink a milkshake and smoothie with protein
to get through the day.

The following day it was a bit better. I tried an adhesive to keep them stable and from then on its been one day at a time. In the right direction.

This weekend made it three months with my teeth. I say that because that is what they have become. I can now chew most anything, drink with a straw and pick up a cob of corn and chew it off the cob. I can eat steak and its been a long time since I could do that. :D After a long diet of soft foods...I am happy to eat some what normally again.

Along the way we have done adjustments to make sure no sores and to make sure the fit is good. That I am functioning and things that I need help with. I have to say its a journey back.

I went back last week to see him. My speech is still a hurdle. Talking with a ton of plastic in your mouth something that takes practice. It has improved. However not to his liking. So I continue to work on that and towards a better situation. As someone that did do some speech therapy in the past. I am back to working some of the tricks to better things on my own. I hate the plastic ridge on my lower device it trips me up on things but I will get there. I WILL!! :D

One thing Cancer did was rob me of something that was so big..that was my smile.That is such a big thing for a person. That for me was tough but on the first leg of the journey to get there. I am really happy and now confident this leg of the journey will go quickly to a permanent situation in Feb 2012. I hope only one surgery left. If it still needs doing before we work toward Permanent Devices.

As of today I can smile and feel confident that I am infection free. That hasn't happened for a very long time. Its a blessing to feel good and be able to do things that I love to do. This the first time in years my husband and I felt confident to leave the state and go on a vacation...Bucket List to Maine. :D..More on that when I have the time.

I just wanted to share why the absence and not much writing this summer. I have been feasting on big blessings and feeling very loved. You can scroll through my pages to see a picture from Relay For Life this past June 16 2011..minus my smile. Or sorta ...Its still was there just not open or confident...as the two below..

June 17th 2011

This me the first day with a new outlook and my new smile. Then me yesterday feeling a bit more confident.
Something how a smile makes us feel whole.

Sept 17 2011..First leg of the journey complete.

Change of hair cut as well . Look at me smiling...Its so great to realize I forgot how in a way that you may not think that is possible. It was a closed mouth and that isn't me...So this is and shows a true me..So happy to be back!! :D

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Info below..from the College of Prostodonics. Might help to understand what they do. Why its important if you need major dental work done seek one out. :D

*What is a prosthodontist? *

A prosthodontist is a dentist who specializes in the restoration and replacement of teeth. Most prosthodontists receive two to three years of additional training after dental school in a program accredited by the American Dental Association based either at a hospital or a university. The training includes reviews of the literature, lectures, treatment of patients and laboratory experience in fabricating restorations.

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What dental procedures does a prosthodontist perform?

Prosthodontists are the experts in dental rehabilitation and have mastered many procedures including: crowns, caps, bridges, veneers, removable partial dentures, dentures and dental implants. In addition to restoring dental implants with restorations, many prosthodontists are surgically placing implants as well.

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Is a prosthodontist different from a “cosmetic dentist”?

The American Dental Association recognizes nine dental specialties, and the ADA does not include “cosmetic dentistry” as a specialty. Prosthodontists receive extensive training and experience in dental esthetics and cosmetics during their graduate programs which currently last three years. Many cosmetic dentists receive training during seminars or a series of courses, but this training is usually limited to weekend or possibly weeklong courses.

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Will the prosthodontist complete all of my required treatment?

The prosthodontist is best viewed as the "architect" of your dental project. S/he has the vision of your final outcome, both the esthetics of your smile and the improved function of your bite. Often other dental specialists may participate in your treatment to help establish a solid foundation for your restorations. Every prosthodontist develops a treatment plan customized for each individual patient, and s/he will determine if adjunctive procedures by another doctor are necessary.

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What is a Board Certified Prosthodontist?

A Board Certified Prosthodontist has successfully completed extensive examinations by the American Board of Prosthodontics. These examinations involve written and oral examinations in prosthodontic theory and literature, the presentation of three different patient treatments, documented from the beginning to the end of the treatment and examinations over the rationale of this treatment. As a Diplomate of the American Board of Prosthodontics, the prosthodontist must successfully complete a re-certification examination every eight years.*

I hope it helps someone out there. Things have come full circle for me and I am moving on. I still have deal with the issues of cancer since there is not a cure for lymphoma. This gives me a fighting chance with less infections to be had. As well as all around better health. Which I am enjoying so very much. :D

Wishing you all blessings big and small.

Joy and Peace

2011-09-18T13:31:00.006-04:00

Happiness comes from spiritual wealth, not material wealth. It comes from giving, not getting. If we try hard to bring happiness to others, we cannot stop it from coming to us also. To get joy, we must give it, and to keep joy, we must scatter it.
~ Unknown

I have read Sara's blog ,*Choose Joy* for some time. Due to my own health things happening in life. I have been more of a reader and not a commenter.

One thing I learned from Sara is that God's special gift of peace is a gift to all of us. When we are at peace we have the freedom to be fully who we are even at the worst times. We let go of the the non essential and embrace what is essential. We empty ourselves so God can more fully work within us. And we become instruments of the hands of the Lord.

I truly believe this of Sara, she chose joy, but she scattered as much to all of us as she gave.What a gift we have been given through her.

My thoughts and prayers go with her . I pray for peace for Sara ,her family and friends who surround her.

I Choose Joy.

Linking to Jessica and her lovely post about Sara.

Where I dwell!

2011-09-16T23:30:00.001-04:00

Sent in email from a friend.

It simply reminds that this saying is so very true: *That every day might not be a good day, but there is something good in every day!*

Sometimes its to hard to take it all in at once. Its time to give ourselves a break, dwell in the now and all the blessings.

One thing I have learned this year is to stay strong but be gentle with myself. Learning this has been a gift even if at times pain is a tough teacher.

Life happens fast and swift. Its tough and sweet all rolled in to one. Its fleeting and its precious. Made to be lived loud and with purpose. Now go....live!!

Wishing you blessings..

We Will Never Never Forget.

2011-09-11T12:44:00.001-04:00

I know we will never forget that day and ban of brothers lost that day. The loss to emergency personal after years of my husband doing the same. It was heart wrenching to hear the stories of those dear to us.

I will not ever forget the many lives lost, those from the USA and other 115 nations through out the world.

I will never forget the other sites where live's were lost.

I can't forget the life of a friends brother lost at the Pentagon. The day or the days after as they looked for him and the impact on my life. As well as his entire family and the impact on them.

I can't forget the military personal and live's lost to protect our freedom. Its never free.

I will never ever forget. Today we are standing their honour. God Bless the USA

I am off today to reflect and breathe in life!

Purple

2011-09-06T23:01:00.000-04:00

Gift On Our Pond 9/2011

"While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die – whether it is our spirit, our creativity, or our glorious uniqueness."~ Gilda Radner

More when I have more time..Wishing you blessings this evening. Lots happening here just lack of computer time lately.

Soul♥

2011-09-03T11:57:00.002-04:00

Maine 8/20011

Whatever satisfies the soul is truth.” ~ Walt Whitman ~

Wishing you blessings today!

Seashore

2011-08-23T23:11:00.002-04:00

Two Lights Lobster Shack. Maine 8/2011.

Heart pooling on the shore. Cape Elizabeth, Maine

Off catch some rest.

Wishing you blessings tonight.

2011-08-01T22:28:00.000-04:00

Heart In Winter Ice March 2011.

Taking a Blog Break and spending time with family!!
Going to have my Parents and my four sisters all in one place for this coming weekend. That hasn't happened in five years. It involves some work on our part. It will be worth it in the end.
Excited to Celebrate upcoming wedding of my niece as well.
So thankful that I am healthy enough to do this and feel good enough to enjoy all of it for a change.
More when I am able. I really need this so really looking forward to a lot of celebrating , laughs , and catching up.
No plans on being on the computer much for the next few weeks. Taking some time for Hubby and myself as we need a much needed break. Happy August!!!
Catch you all on the Flip Flop!!

Wishing you all blessings!!

Three Words

2011-07-30T12:36:00.003-04:00

*In three words I can sum up everything, I've learned about life: It goes on.*

~ Robert Frost

No matter what happens in life, nothing stops life goes on.In so many ways that is a blessing that it does. Its something I never take for granted.

On Saturday mornings we often get a visit with my daughter and her little one. Who is now four. Time has flown and I can't beleive that my daughter is a mom and that our grandgirl,is four. They both continue to blossom and remind me what life is all about.

These mornings are so much fun and such a joy. It reminds me that even in the struggles we have in the our day to day life,there is still joy. Lots of life happening is a blessing around us!!

Wishing you all a great day!

2011-07-24T18:37:00.001-04:00

"The quality of life is in proportion, always, to the capacity for delight. The capacity for delight is the gift of paying attention." Julia Cameron, The Artist's Way
Be back later :D

Wishing you all a delightful day!

Love

2011-07-19T18:02:00.000-04:00

"Do not be afraid to love. Without love, life is impossible...love by the way you walk, the way you sit, the way you eat. Learn to love yourself and others properly...
the well being of the world depends on us, on the way we live our daily lives, on the way we take care of the world, and on the way we love." ~Thich Nhat Hanh

This is so very true!
Wishing you blessings today!

Leg One Of The Journey Complete.

2011-07-06T00:42:00.003-04:00

I so want to write this post but its so hard. Fredrick Buechner wrote: *God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the worlds deep hunger meet.*
Over the last five months it has been a journey that has given me so much. I can't tell you how much compassion and kindness, God set in front of me. I have been deeply blessed by so many it is amazing to me. Its put me in a place of joy that is beyond what I can write here.
My story is one that says that sometimes you go through hell to get back and share it all. I still am looking for all the words and I still am not sure its sufficient for what has transpired.
How do you repay those who have give you back the ability to eat,the help to regain your speech and the quality of life that was missing for sometime?
Something I have fought so hard for is function to be able to chew, eat and speak correctly. My dental staff delivered that one hundred percent. Along with the return of a totally natural smile.
I know this a temporary situation for the next ten months then we re evaluate the functioning issues orally and we may have another surgery to go then we start the permanent process for new oral devices.
We have made the first leg of the journey .Working on adjustments and content in things for today.
The there is a deep hunger to share it all when I find the words...but for now I will just smile and be happy. As well as extremely thankful part of what cancer took is now restored.

Wishing you blessings!

Without Regrets.

2011-06-27T13:23:00.004-04:00

Pearl Beach 6/26/2011

"If you've grieved your losses, reclaimed your dreams and articulated your anger, regret will have made you the right kind of tough-and-tender: dauntless of spirit, soft of heart, convinced by experience that nothing based on fear—but everything based on love—is worth doing," she says. "Living this way doesn't guarantee an easy life; in fact, it will probably take you on a wondrously wild ride. But I promise, you won't regret it." Martha Beck Six easy steps you can take to live without regret.

Lately lots of good changes in life. So dwelling in possibilities. Feeling that experiences, change in our life,all of it shape us in steering our course. No regrets..Just reflections today.

Waiting ......

2011-06-16T00:13:00.001-04:00

Relay For Life 6/11/2011

Today we went out to lunch for Chinese food. I managed about half of what I had on my plate so I was glad about that. After so much oral surgery and all the things going on. Eating is a big deal and so far I have been lucky the past three weeks to eat more then I have in the last months! We are coming up on four months healing this Friday!!
I broke open my Fortune cookie and it read:
*Welcome the change that is coming soon into your life!*
I had to smile...since big changes will come my way Friday a ton of adjusting left to do. However this is big and exciting for me!! I will have a lot of adjusting again in the eating area, speaking and functioning. I am really excited about all of it. Determined to believe there is are many reasons I am still here. Trusting my journey and seeing all the goodness heading my way!
Sometimes life amazes me!!
Wishing you blessings

Faith Hope & Healing.

2011-06-08T00:06:00.003-04:00

This entire year has been a challenge but it seems to be if I didn't have a challenge I wouldn't be who I am today.
I haven't been writing lately. Although I like a challenge it seems I have had enough of those to last me an entire life time.
Lately I have been terrified of showing the still tender soul that is healing through so many things all at once.
I realize to that from every wound there is a scar. Every single scar tells a story. A story that says I survived.
Tonight I will say as the healing continues. Restoring continues. I can't help but believe that what I am seeing is a huge miraculous accomplishment. Giving the Glory to God on this. Plus the to the many medical and dental professionals who got me to this point.
Its been a very humbling experience and restoration is nearly complete a few weeks away. I am not sure how I feel about it all right now. I have a lot of adjusting to do but determined to get there.

Wishing you blessings.

Dear 16-year-old Me

2011-05-30T23:07:00.004-04:00

Last summer I was dealing with Skin Cancer. This is a really powerful video. Please turn off my music on the right and take a listen.

Once you have had skin cancer or a loved one has had it. My Dad, my oldest Sister and I all have the same type Basel Cell Carcinoma. Having it removed isn't pretty or easy. We have all been lucky in catching it early and having it removed.

I have friends with Melanoma right now that is why I am posting this video. It is a live altering cancer that can change lives. Please if you have anything on your skin that doesn't look right, have it checked.

I have also place a link on the side bar to The Skin Cancer Foundation. Check it out for current information.

You can look in my archieves as well and pull up last August 30,2010 and Sept 11,2010 After my surgery. Skin cancer if caught early can be surgically removed...So please be careful out there. Please take care of your kids and yourself.

Heart.

2011-05-30T19:52:00.000-04:00

“What I’ve found is that our true home is a place of fearlessness in the heart—your heart, my heart, every heart. Furthermore, and much more importantly, home is not some fixed point toward which we aspire; it is steadily expanding state.” – Elena Brower

Wishing you blessings.

To short lately!

2011-05-29T23:41:00.002-04:00

I find that each day is too short for all the thoughts I want to think, as well as write about. For all the walks I want to take, for all the books I would like to read,and for all the painting I want to paint.Never to short for those I love and the friends I want to see.

Happy weekend and wishing you all many blessings!

Quote

2011-05-18T21:06:00.000-04:00

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention…. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. "
— Rachel Naomi Remen

Have a great evening!!

Enjoy Your Weekend

2011-05-07T12:39:00.000-04:00

Love This!

2011-05-06T23:42:00.000-04:00

Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence. - Og Mandino

Have a great weekend!

Resting and Restoring

2011-05-05T13:27:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking about this often lately. It amazes me what tiny miracles we are given each day and each minute.

This reminds of last year driving down to the Dental School wondering what might transpire that day! It was beautiful outside. My husband was driving. I looked up and on the street sign it read..*Miracle and
Martin Luther King Drive.* I did a double take and smiled.

As things would have it that day I was in the mist of dealing with major dental issues...Huge ones that were really resting on my shoulders. We were really that day praying for a miracle. Praying for knowledge in proper care dental care while in treatment, after treatment , and long term effects due to treatments. It is there I was taught so much. In return my case was used to help young students who are becoming techs, dentists and oral surgeons. So when I look at things now I am looking at the much bigger picture and the impact we bring to others.

As things stand now. Very large and long surgery behind me! Restoration of the bottom six teeth to fit my lower partial finished. New Impressions made. Interim custom dentures for a year. Then we see how things have healed.

So now we wait for my next appointment. But to me this is like one huge miracle after another. Each person has so much to offer and that has been a gift.

Many times we sit and worry about what others think about our appearance. I have learned what matters is on the inside. I have sat here missing hair due to this newer thing with skin cancer. Then it was the issues of a dental partial that did not fit due to my teeth fracturing and just some turning to powder. I have to say. It was one of the hardest things to go out minus our teeth. I have been bald and had huge facial surgeries all of that. Our teeth give a beautiful impression of what is in our soul. That said it was so hard. But I now realize I am so much stronger than I once was. With about six weeks and three visits to go, I will get there!!! Its in my grasp!!!

I am really excited to complete this process and move forward!!Its a turning point I have been looking towards for a long time!!

Off to rest!

Thank You

2011-04-29T23:33:00.000-04:00

Many people think that thanking others is not needed, when someone does something to help you.Isn't it important to at least say, Thank You?
I personally feel that all of us should find time to thank others, especially when they have taken time to give you something which is of benefit to you. The more you wait, the chances of expressing the thanks is less. People love to hear from others who appreciate what you do for them. What is your opinion?
To me a simple,thank you, might be the one thing that brightens someones day. Words that you are grateful they made your day!!

Wishing you all special thanks and blessings

Have A Great Day!!

2011-04-24T13:06:00.002-04:00

Off to spend the day at our daughter and son in laws home. Great food and conversation. Lots of love and laughter . What more can you ask for but a perfect day!!

Healing

2011-04-21T00:47:00.002-04:00

It's been a while. I thought it would be a piece of cake to jump in and blog again. Truth is I really struggle lately for the right words.

Lots of good news lately. I have been soaking it up and allowing it all to sink in. I am still in remission and stable. I am so grateful for that. When I got the news I smiled , cried and did a loud...*YES!!* Such a relief in all of us here.

Then I have there are so many mixed feelings while dealing with all the ups and downs of this dental surgery. Things have healed well. However my jaw has a long ways to go.Up to a year. In healing and restoring things. Its all so life changing. Its hard to put it in to words. What people are working so hard to give back to me.

It comes to mind thinking, to paraphrase *A Tale of Two Cities* by Charles Dickens. * It has been the best of times , it has been the worst of times.* Best of times because of the God's grace and the love and support of so many. Worst of times simply because of highs and lows,physically , mentally and emotionally. Anxiety and doing it afraid. Simply because it all needs doing.

So a lot of healing happening, letting go and moving forward one day at a time.

Just Thoughts.

2011-04-08T00:11:00.003-04:00

Its funny life is filled with dark and light. Good things fall apart so-even better things can fall together. Its okay...to fall apart.

I ran in to a very old friend over the weekend.What a blessing old friends are! In life we have both had a lot of trials and tests. We were kind of talking about old times. Comparing notes on husbands , neo natal babies,preemie's now grown men,daughters, grandchildren, cancers...and just life in general.

At the same time we, we were sharing testimony on several things. With all the trials and tests you go through in life. I am reminded that the word *TEST* is in the word *Testimony.* So as we go through tests in life.It becomes not only our Testimony but our life story!

As much as life brings us tests, our Testimony. Sharing our stories become powerful. It helps empower us to move forward.

Wishing many blessing in your day!

Baby Steps

2011-04-05T15:55:00.001-04:00

Laying low around here, but trying to get back in the flow little by little! I keep getting reminded what the dentist did to my jaw. Just once in a while a jolt of pain. Not a good reminder at all.It doesn't last long so its doable minus heavy duty pain medication! So that is a plus!!

So sometimes baby steps are all we can manage, but what ever works!

Hope it you have a great day!

Life Happens.

2011-04-04T22:19:00.000-04:00

The other day I was reading Jen Lemen Blog. I have read her blog since she has been writing and love her photographs and gift of writing. I don't read the comments often. However was completely touched by her blog I was going to comment then I saw the comment from Barbara. It goes like this. Just a part of it:

* I can feel the tears watering my growth, and those new shoots are painful, poignant and proud all the same time.*

The comment struck me due to some of things I am going through. Its so hard to put in to words at times!

I think that life in general always changes and some times we just need a break. Last week several times my husband and I just decide to dress warm and take a walk in the local nature center and trails. I have to say nature always helps me with my perspective and being near the water is always a good thing for the soul. I really needed to get out of the house and breathe in some life. Surgery was tough and the recovery has been as well. I needed air and sun!

Lately, I could stand here and really complain about things but its so much wasted energy at times. I just feel like placing it else where in a useful thing. Maybe its about embracing the stumbles and hardships on my journey, it is because of those that we learn the most about our ourselves. Don't get me wrong I do wrestle with anxiety and depression its part of the package. I often think it fuels me and reminds me of my strengths. It also reminds me of how deeply grateful I am as well.

Wishing you blessings.

Powerful Words.

2011-04-01T23:40:00.000-04:00

“We are exactly where we need to be, we need to be exactly where we are, we are a blessing manifesting!”Amy Steinberg

Some Days

2011-03-27T17:09:00.001-04:00

Some days I question everything, everyday I am grateful for all of it!

Wishing you blessings,

2011-03-27T16:41:00.000-04:00

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” - Loa Tzu

Vanity verses Quality of Life

2011-03-10T17:12:00.003-05:00

*Beauty does not lie on the brand of clothes you wear, the car you drive or the crowd you hang-out with.: Its the pureness of your honest living heart and soul.*

Its been a rough few weeks. Made worse by a smart crack made by a man stating that : * I had all this dental surgery due to vanity.* After he said it he found out he was wrong in making the statement. As upsetting as it was.

It was nice to have a honest reply back to him to set him straight.So here we sit with vanity verses issues of quality of life. Like eating, living on soft food for almost a year. To get to through the process to be well enough to have this surgery. Speech and how that was effected. Pain issues becoming chronic. Then not to mention walking outta of the house minus a partial in front, for a year being who you are and so upset because you don't have a choice. Simply waiting was all I could do to get to this point of surgery. Than finally getting it done and over with . A huge wave of relief washes over us just knowing its over.

As for vanity...I am who I am...and to be honest...I have been through so much visible with cancer. Sharing honestly with others is a privilege. To me this had nothing to do with vanity..Zip. Its about having back the ability to eat , the ability to speak normally again and just look like everyone else. Something that cancer treatment took from me. Will be how it was before...Not with out a fight to get there. That it has been a fight to get there.

Surgery is behind us it went very well. Last week all stitches removed and the process of healing went well. No Hyperbaric Treatment needed to aide in healing. However I have till April 15 for healing. Then we start the process restoring my ability to eat regular foods and smile. I am really really excited about that !! I also am really happy to have this behind us because it will be beneficial to my health as well (less infections always a good thing!). So quality of life for me over vanity hands down!!

Today I am humbled by the dental staff who helped me through this huge surgery and the process to get to this point!! I am so very blessed today.

I have a long way to go but I with faith, I can will get there.

Wishing you all blessings!

Snails Pace

2011-02-25T23:07:00.002-05:00

This has been a really crazy week. However I have finally put oral/sinus surgery behind me! I am thankful they did not have to do a sinus repair . However things are as they are and they had to do some jaw repairs.

So I'm taking it easy and regrouping. More Monday on the next step. Post Op.

I am just really excited that this is complete. So we can move forward on the Restorative part of the process!!

Feeling really grateful that we pushed all the buttons on finding those who understood the issues of treatment for cancer and what it can do to your dental health!

Off to ice, then get some rest.More when I am able. Moving at a snails pace the last few days!!

Wishing you blessings.

Morning

2011-02-21T11:57:00.007-05:00

Still…this morning is better, a new day brings another sunrise and a brighter outlook once again. A fresh blanket it snow. Birds singing.Count your blessings, they aren’t as difficult to see as you think.
The future stretched out before us, straight ahead. One day at time,today our gift.

Gratitude Page above. Click on the words above to open.
Wishing you blessings today.

Early Morning.

2011-02-18T19:15:00.001-05:00

This morning I was up really early. I switched the cars around and decided to head out earlier than expected. The sun was just peeping over the one fence. Ribbons of oranges and pinks. With the sky the color of robins eggs. I decided to take Lake Shore Drive. Knowing all that color with the white ice on the lake would be wonderful. It truly was beautiful.
I had to run in to see in to the doctors office to pick up orders for more blood work. I was happy to be there early no traffic and no one sitting there coughing or sneezing!
I found out that I had to run over to the lab in the hospital. Either walk outside or take the sky walk. I took the sky walk . Just faster now steps and more peaceful.
I was concerned about this blood draw. Due to no medi-port (chemo port) to rely on. I am glad of that, but to be honest I was hoping for one poke verses four or five. Not fun at times. Today was one poke and she was able to get it all. Thank goodness.
On the way back across the sky walk. I ran in to my Surgeon. Which is always a pleasure. We had a discussion about my hair and why the one area is taking forever to grow in. After all its been almost six months since surgery. And its just a few sprigs. Oh well hair is secondary when it means you life.
On the way home the weather for Michigan was warm about 50degrees and breezy. Amazing for February. The foot of snow we had is nearly gone! I am sure tomorrow that will all change. Wind advisory for tonight here.

Today I am just grateful for today.

Wishing you blessings.

2011-02-17T18:27:00.002-05:00

Hurdles Are Made For Jumping.

2011-02-17T12:52:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I think that God does exploratory surgery on the soul. I am not sure I like it simply because its painful. Its like looking at yourself and breaking away the scar tissue.
I have to wonder at times why cancer and why me! I think all of us feel that then I think *why not me?*
Finally I sat down with a Therapist a really good one. To discuss this anxiety issues. Its funny but I think in my weakness, there are things to learn. I know to that in our weakness He ministers to us as do others.
I have to say that it wasn't easy but I have to wonder to, Could God be using my experience..yours and mine...to get us to rely more on Him, instead of our own strength??
The prognosis here for me is: Life. Jumping some hurdles right now to get to the bottom of what is causing this anxiety I am dealing with. I feel this Therapist,has given me the tools to rule out some issues and then we move on and do more work.
Easy never but its a part of my story for now. It is a humbling experience what we learn about ourselves in a challenge.

Love Is Everything.

2011-02-09T14:19:00.002-05:00

So many dates run through my mind this time of year. I met my husband on a cold winters day years ago. The thirtieth if January of nineteen seventy five. It was a cold brisk day. Much like today. Lots of sunshine blue skies. I was out for a Sunday drive with my two kids sisters.

I remember thinking, as shy I once was. I had to take a photograph of a person I did not know. For a photography class I was taking in my first year of college.

I remember standing up on the bridge by the creek and the sunshine hitting the water just right. I remember to there was this young man fishing there and thinking. Okay I can snap this picture and be done with it. I would never have to say one word.

Little did I know God's plan for the day. Little did I know that years later I would be writing this blog about marriage.

Little did I know that when I snapped that picture. I would hear the words. *Young Lady what are you doing,* come from this young man. I remember being stunned but open to talk to him. Thinking to myself what am I doing! Its amazing how God places people where they need to be at that precise moment in time.
Monday we celebrated the first time my husband came to my parents home (February Seventh). That was thirty six years ago. Back then my parents were really strict and he had to met my parents before we could actually date. Yes as funny as it seems that is how it was.

I remember my mom and her words. He was older by six years and that was older by her standards. I was young. I remember thinking but mom I only want to date him. Marriage never entered my mind that day.

I was not ready for what was to come or the feelings I would have. I just knew he was the one. I told him that one day, I would marry him and have his kids.. I had to chuckle thinking back...he wasn't ready for marriage nor was I. However I just knew he would be the one.

Years later the there are words that ring true. Ones he said to my parents the day we were engaged. I will never forget it. It was hot July day and the digits of the day were 7-11-77. *He promised, that we would never be rich, but we would always have what we needed. Most of all he would always love me no matter what life brought our way.*

After that our wedding day I remember that night. Getting in to the car behind tears., Hearing Dad say...*'Take care of my Girl!* And my Husbands reminding him of his above promise. Tucking in close to my husband as we drove outta the driveway looking forward to our new life.

Thirty six years and just about thirty three years of marriage later I can honestly say. Its been a journey but one that has been spent with my dearest and best friend, my Husband. In good times in bad times and in sickness and health. Tons of work between both of us. US ,working together at it daily. Holding on tighly to each other as we go.

We say these vows never knowing what God has in store for us. I truly believe we do not have a full understanding of the meaning of them. Years later I see with great clarity the man God's, choice for me. His love and the magnitude of this man who could deal with what journey God placed us on. That is the gift. I was given.

What was given to me that day on the creek, covers the good the bad and all the in between. In a split second, the time it took for one picture.

A voice inside says, *This is as rich as one can be.*

Wishing you blessings,

Gratitude

2011-02-03T14:28:00.003-05:00


Gratitude is the heart's money. French Proverb

Winter

2011-01-31T19:56:00.002-05:00

Life is so busy at times. Which I see as a blessing. It means there is to a purpose that we are here. Last week zipped by spending some extra time with our Granddaughter. Who loves the snow.

Then we spent time with our parents who are all now in their 80's. I think this week with the storms heading this way towards the Midwest. We will be heading out with shovels to make sure they are all okay.

Last week we also learned my Dad will have more surgery for Skin Cancer next week. Not his first but I have my concerns since I just went through it myself. So I was making sure where he was going was going to Mohrs Surgery and also had the pathology available right there. So it would be one surgery not several. Then being there to get them back and forth for surgery since Mom doesn't do much driving now.

Then its adjusting to deal with all the things under this roof. I have to laugh because we are sandwiched in and doing what needs to be done. Which with my health is always interesting.

Life goes on and the trick is to take one day at time and really make the best of it..All we are promised is here and now..today. So take it and make the best of it.

Stay safe everyone!!

Snippets.

2011-01-25T14:22:00.005-05:00

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition,with thanksgiving, present your requests to God, and the peace of God...will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippans.4:6

Last night I went to bed exhausted. From the days events. Like usual I have a hard time shutting off and down. I sometimes wish there was a switch that you could shut off and not think of the problems of your day.

I got up for a bit, putting the problems to rest after writing in my journal. I set it on my desk, as got up and walked away. I decided to look out the window,pulling the curtains back. The moon light skipped across the fresh white blanket of twinkling snow. I was then grateful for the day I had. Holding on to all of the tiny snippets of good and bad that life brings.

I climbed back in to our warm bed, snuggling deep under the blankets. Suddenly all is good with a whispered *I love you's.* Tucked in where I want to be. I can't help but thank God for His gift and blessing of peace.

Wishing you blessings.

Surviving

2011-01-19T00:39:00.001-05:00

I have been reflecting on a lot of things.

Yesterday I woke up with a wicked headache. Its one of the issues to do with my cancer and all the surgeries to the head. I have to say I can sit here all day and I always get a few people who know the situation. Then they start comparing my situation to a migraine headache.

I hate to say it no migraine medication will fix it and how do you compare that to cancer anyways???

To be honest here I am dealing with denial in some and some really stupid comparisons by others. It totally ticks me off how stupid people are and or how stupid they can act. Especially after I have have tried to educate them due to my situation. Then they turn a deaf ear or change the subject.

Maybe its me because I have been dealing with this for such a long time. As well as so many things recently.

Please don't tell me that I am wrong or that I am to hard on others. Sometimes people annoy the heck outta me and I am doing my darnest to get though to a better place.

Also don't tell me I am depressed been there talked to someone on that I do not have a chemical imbalance. It can't be fixed with medications. When your depressed nothing matters...that is not the case here. But for me I am sad how I am treated at times..and just how ignorant others can be. To me everything and everyone matters. We should treat others how we would want to be treated ourselves..I am not feeling that from some lately.

I got a ton of help from family , friends and trained people. But at times it ticks me off because I feel like I am stuck in a rip tide. Due the anxiety others create...I have to swim like hell just to reach the dam shore...The only rescue depends on me and only my deep inner strength. I don't know how others do this minus faith because I would totally lose it .

To the trained person helping me...Thank you for reading my blog and journals for further understanding. You Rock!! You know who you are!!

Many blessings,

2011-01-18T13:08:00.001-05:00

If you had no winter the spring would not be so pleasant;

if we did not sometimes taste of adversity,

prosperity would not be so welcome.

Anne Bradstreet.

2011-01-10T23:37:00.000-05:00

Still waiting for this flu bug to take a hike. Dreaming of the beach and summer. I so love summer simply because I don't have to be so concerned about all these winter bugs!!

So far the seasonal flu bug has knocked our family for a loop. The house smells like Lysol and Puffs Plus and Vicks. Gross!

Lots fluids and Rest. And a bland diet is finally sticking!! I finally had a salad and fish last night and was okay.

This afternoon I opened the side door just to see what outside smelled like. I have been stuck in the house for a week with this stuff. The air smelled so crisp and clean. Then that cold hit me. That was it for me. Back in to rest and regroup.

More when I can.!! Hoping for a upswing fast!!

Remarkable.

2011-01-10T00:40:00.001-05:00

December ended with sad news. My dear friend Melissa passed away. She was a fighter and 12 year survivor of Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. We never met in person. We met online and talked daily for a long time. Its so strange because its seems like she has always been there.
We both moved to Facebook to share more with each other and share we did. Family, husbands , kids, sports and life. We talked about lymphoma when it came up or when we really needed for some one to
understand. There is nothing like it having a real friend who knows what it really like. Melissa was one of those friends.
Melissa was a survivor of much including a Stem Cell Transplant. That folks is an amazing young woman in this picture. Over and over she fought this disease with a smile on her face and courage was remarkable.
She told me recently she needed more radiation and that she was going to fight like crazy through it . I know she did it was her style she had beautiful family to fight her way back to.
December 28th I got the news she had passed away from her mom. I was stunned , shocked and heart broken. I still am. I just can't imagine how hard this is for her young family right now.
Its funny people say you can't make friendships and keep them online. I hate to say this, but my circle of friends here and in the cancer forums. Are a life line..
Back in August when I was dealing with my port removal the skin cancer thing and so much. Melissa stepped up and let me know things would be fine. She didn't skip one beat. She was right there cheering me on and recently as before Christmas doing the same.
I am just so thankful I could return the favor just before she started radiation. Cheering her on.
So this is a really hard loss...though we never met face to face. There was plan to in spring. And sadly we never made it that far.
Its funny, a voice out there from another country changed me forever.
In a saying we knew well...I carry your heart in my heart.
RIP Melissa.

FLu Bug Fly Elsewhere.

2011-01-04T15:15:00.001-05:00

Flu bug....has hit this house hard through the night!! No surgery today for me. Between my temp and my stomach. Not sure which one is more of a hassle. Heading back to bed.

Oral Surgery Today!!!

2011-01-04T00:07:00.001-05:00

I am sure this week will be busy. Oral and Sinus surgery first thing in morning. I am really excited but apprehensive. Just so happy this can finally take place.
This been a long process and nearly 10 months to get cleared to do so.One step closer. So praying no hold ups!!
Asking for prayers!! Thanks, much in advance!!

New Year

2010-12-31T20:02:00.000-05:00

Lots to say about 2010. It was wonderful. It was exciting. It was grueling. It was hard really hard in so many aspects. Then I think about it, all and all the good out weighed the bad. Its all the tiny miracles that push the good forward. The tiny things help us through the hard times in life.
Hope there was a lot of it this year, intertwined with great faith. Hoping things would work for the good. I really truly know they have in so many ways.

So bring it on 2011!!

Wishing you and yours many blessings!

Christmas Holiday

2010-12-28T10:50:00.001-05:00

Wishing you and yours many miracles and blessings though the Christmas Season.

Gratefulness

2010-12-22T09:07:00.001-05:00

First Winter Sunrise 2010.

*Wishing you a day that leaves your heart full of gratefulness and miracles.*

Hope

2010-12-21T11:34:00.000-05:00

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievements.

Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.

Helen Keller.

This morning I was on the rode to meet my daughter. She was heading to the hospital for a Stress Echo as well as picking up a Halter Heart Monitor. Then she was heading to in to work. Hoping these test tell us what the problem is or better yet isn't!! Hoping and praying today.

She was doing all of this and I was the one stressing out and being the Mom. Once a mom always a mom ,so very true!

Then it hit me that Christmas of 1997 I prayed for many things. Mainly to see my children grow up and become good people. Also we all prayed , I would make it to see that Christmas and show some doctors that God was in charge. We hung tightly to hope. Sometimes we feel as thought there isn't much to hope for. Then we realize ,hope and confidence was found in God's faithfulness.

Today, I am thankful for the lessons learned. Realizing when I humbly share here or else where,it is truly is a God given gift.

Wishing you blessings today!

Priceless!!

2010-12-20T23:08:00.000-05:00

Tiny hands and fingers busy decorating our tree. There are days I don't have to look far to see a miracle. Clumps of things on the bottom of the tree!! A little girl with a camera taking pictures of her our tree. I wouldn't change a thing!! Priceless!!♥

Wishing you all Christmas Miracles.

Busy

2010-12-14T00:56:00.002-05:00

Its funny lately I have been thinking about a lot of different things. I think we are all so busy at times we don't take the time to regroup.
This morning I was woken up to the phone ringing. The call was about our parent loans for our sons school. Just when you think your going to have an issue. We lucked out. I was a good call that made me smile! Even better yet I went to the bank thinking we were shorting ourselves for the month . Got there and found out after checking things out that we would be okay. A extra bucks.
After the blizzards and nasty weather the past few days we braved the weather and and made it back safely.
I had so much to do and you know what I blew it all off. Not like me at all.
I spent the day editing photos and painting. Something I don't do as often as I like. I have decided though its time to be a bit more selfish and start doing more painting. :)
I just found out tomorrow is a snow day. So no daycare or Pre-school. So looks like this Grandma will have a busy day tomorrow. I am so looking forward to do some holiday things with my granddaughter!! Yay! Let the spoiling begin!!
Heading off to grab some rest.
Sweet dreams!

Touching Others.

2010-12-08T14:39:00.001-05:00

This quote from Elizabeth Edwards who is in the final days of her life with cancer. I agree so deeply with every word.

“The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And, yes, there are certainly times when we aren’t able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It’s called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful.“ –Elizabeth Edwards

Today all I can think about are her young children. My thoughts and prayers are with them, and her family as well as friends today.

I will always admire Elizabeth Edwards for her strength and candor through her experience with cancer.

As I have sat here and read so much about her prior to her death. Its in life I will always remember her not as a victim as some have said. But as a survivor and one who won just by how she present herself to all of us survivors out here.

All I know is she really gave all of us the gift in her final days. Amazing.

Embrace

2010-12-05T12:17:00.001-05:00

* You are worthy of being treated with respect and kindness.*

After some long talks ,tears and just some big struggles with a few dear friends. I think that we all need to hear the above words from someone we know well. It is then we can take life and embrace it all fully. It makes the past just that, and opens us up to our future. Most of all it gives us today to be who we really are. To understand *We are enough!*

Today I am grateful for two of my oldest and dearest childhood friends.
Off to embrace life today!! Happy Sunday!

Tiny Miracles

2010-12-03T00:27:00.002-05:00

December for me is always a time of tiny miracles. Many of you are running around getting ready for Christmas. and that is so typical for this month.
I am not a big holiday spender. Instead I am busy making things for family and friends. Painting , taking pictures and just enjoying giving things from the heart.
I sat here last week and made a new banner or header for my blog and to most it doesn't mean a whole lot.
The tiny hands there are my Granddaughters. She will be is nearly 4. I remember summers days and play doh hearts. Her mixing up colors and having a ball. To some that doesn't mean a lot . To me it means everything.

December of 1997 looked really bleak . I will never forget some of the words of maybe not seeing that Christmas. So when I sit here today tiny miracles and big miracles are everything. To be here and enjoy to have this little girl in my life. Priceless. Every December to me is mine, a miracle.

I went and picked her up from Preschool today. Had a snack of strawberry filled cookies her Grandpa and I. Then we like usual she tells me to go on You Tube. I have to laugh. I know she wants to play her *I love you song* I will by Allison Kraus and the Children's Choir. She has this list of things to listen to a mile long. Today it was the Hokey Pokey of all things. After dancing with her about ten times. Grandpa and I decided if they sold energy it would come straight from her . I would order a vat or an iv, today!! Such joy in this child!

You know we hurry though each December. Slow up and down! There is so much to see...Dancing snow flakes floating down...Yup she told me that today.. Instead of thinking oh darn its snowing..Really look at it. Look at the holly how red it is with the snow sitting on it. Watch the kids happy faces and voices talking about it. So much to see and hear.

Lots of tiny miracles all around us during this our December....Its not about things but those we love. Go hug your family and friends. Take time and enjoy them.
Wishing you blessings.

Forgiving It Forward . Moving Forward

2010-12-01T13:02:00.001-05:00

Today I am just wondering how people can ask you how your doing. Then you say and they change the subject to be about them. How do you compare cancer to a cold??? You can't!

I really am hurt by someone asking how I am doing. By email . Than no response. None.

So why ask if you have no response or support in return??? If you can't handle what I might say, why ask?? I don't understand that. I have tried and I just can't.

So this one to *Forgive it forward.* Its not to say that it doesn't hurt because it does. Its not to say that it doesn't bother me it does greatly.

It's true as you walk the path with health problems you find those who walk with you. You realize as you walk your strengths and those walk with holding your hand. Others just fall off....through no fault of your own. Maybe simply they can't hack it.Other survivors talk about this all the time.

For whatever reason. But to be really really honest here. I really appreciate those who look me in the eye and say: * I have a hard time with your cancer but I have so much happening in my life to tend to right now. I care I am just needing to care for these other things right now!* To me that is so much easier to take.Something said is better then nothing. Then people dropping off and ignoring you and your health situation. If it was some other major health issue I would be hurt to.

Today I am just thankful for those in it for the long haul. For those who hear when I am quiet and those who reach out when they feel I can use a lift. For those who understand the gift of honesty and give it in return.

Trusting the journey and moving forward.

2010-11-28T17:04:00.001-05:00

"True abundance is not about gathering more things, it's about touching the place in us that is connected to the divine source of abundance, so that we know what we need in the moment will be provided." ~ Mary Morrissey

Abundance

2010-11-28T14:50:00.003-05:00

Early Thanksgiving morning we got a phone call one all parents hate to get. One that your Kids are stranded on the rotten side of town. Please come get us and hurry!!
We were startled by the call. It was pouring rain and we tried really hard to get our bearings. Then we tried hard to get our emotions under control.
Not knowing that area well and it being 3am. This wicked rain storm happening, dear old Mom and Dad really had a hard time.
Finally we made it to the area drop through the gas station twice where they were. Then getting frustrated driving in circles to find them and not finding them. We were loosing it.
Finally we stopped in a different gas station and waited, praying the car would make it down the road and not overheat again. Or die. Leaving it unable to drive in a really bad area.
After a grueling hour we were in one car thankful we were together . Safe and all okay.
All though the car is old and a piece of junk...We here so hesitant to leave it sit there for a day. Simply not knowing if we would go back there to see it sitting there. Junk or not its what the he owns..and I know he was concerned as much as he joked about it.
We spent Thanksgiving all of us with our Daughters and Son in Law's . Having a beautiful dinner. Having all the kids in one place was truly a wonderful thing. Safe!!I couldn't help but think how lucky we all were to be together. Knowing what could of happen makes me shiver to think of it.
As we get older I can't help but think, we have our wealth to share with our families,and those around us.
Our riches are not our material things. Instead its our time shared, our wisdom, us listening , or simply loving those near and dear to us. When we share all of that..what God gives us...we share it openly with others. We receive much from Him in return.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
Wishing you blessings,

Finally!!

2010-11-23T15:11:00.003-05:00

Today I am so excited! I have finally been cleared by all my doctors to get my much needed oral surgery! We have known for two years this was needed. Due to issues with local dentists we ended up at the dental school here locally. We are really happy at this point we have made these choices. Thanks to my surgeon,I did get in and seen by restorative dentistry and oral surgery. Who all agree this a result of treatment for my cancer. Which has destroyed my upper teeth and four of my back teeth.
Finally all paper work arrived today after a glitch..But its worked out.
Confirmation for Surgery is Jan 4, 2011 came late this morning!
After waiting almost eight months and four appointments to get to this point. Being minus my partial on top has been the pits. I can't wait to get the denture just to speak normally and be able to smile normal again! Most to all to just look like everyone else. Not that I have the best looks...but just to have teeth is a big thing. It affects so many things not having them or having big issues with them.
Its been one of the hardest things due to cancer that I have gone though. Plus the waiting to be healthy enough to do this surgery...I hate waiting its annoying :)

I know it won't be easy at first but I will get there...:))

Wishing you blessings.

Rest

2010-11-21T13:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Sunday! A day of Rest...Life is so busy at times its tiring. Our minds and hearts are overwhelmed and exhausted. We have to remember to turn inward to God, for it is He who promised to give us rest.
Now go enjoy your day!

Heart Of Surviving.

2010-11-20T00:57:00.000-05:00

I have been sitting here wanting to write . Not coming up with words. I feel like our world at times is spinning out of control. That people see how it finally really is. Sad really when its really been like it is for a awfully long time. That really has hurt. How can people be in denial about a disease that is so life altering. I don't understand that. I want so hard to understand it...but its brought up a deep burning sadness that its heavy and stretches to places I can't begin to fix the ache.

I agree people are basically good...That not everyone can be there in a capacity in every way possible. That takes special people. I thank God for those who are here daily. I find myself forgiving it forward right now in so many ways. Simply because I need to move on and deal with things at hand. Making it the best possible situation daily.

So with all my heart I forgive them, as well as forgiving myself. Letting go of all of it. So my world will right itself once again.

Wishing you blessings,

Autumn

2010-10-27T18:29:00.000-04:00

Autumn

The leaves are falling, falling as if from far up,
as if orchards were dying high in space.
Each leaf falls as if it were motioning "no."

And tonight the heavy earth is falling
away from all other stars in the loneliness.

We're all falling. This hand here is falling.
And look at the other one. It's in them all.

And yet there is Someone, whose hands
infinitely calm, holding up all this falling.

~ Rainer Maria Rilke

Wishing you Autumn blessings today.