Family

The last few weeks different around here. I have been talking to two or my four sisters almost daily.
My one Sister lives in California..and is the mom of two autistic boys. She has been really struggling and I am so far from her. We talk so much and that is a Godsend to me and to her as well. Lately her family is struggling and I struggle with her.Life with Autism is very very hard. She is a great mom!
My other Sister who is the baby lives one right coast in Maine. This the other day my Niece hit a 8point buck while diving her Jetta. Thank God she had her seat belt on and the Deer hit on the passenger side or things wouldn't be as good as the are to night. My beautiful Niece is fine. She can get a new car as hers is now totaled. She also gained meat for the winter. Although she hates venison. Also she reports to day she is a happy to be alive!
After this week. Friday I was just plain exhausted.Thursday I asked my Daughter to please bring her Lil' One to my house so I could babysit her there. Which she did.
I was so glad. I also realized I am living a dream or goal that I so wanted sometime ago to be a grandma.
As I sat in the over sized recliner with the my little wisp of a granddaughter. She was tucked in so tight next to me. That all was right in our world.
I look at her at times and she is still small for almost three and I think of how much she looks like my daughter. I listen to her speak and have to laugh at time when I hear this tiny girls voice that almost is music to my ears. I see that toothy smile and have to just think this has got to be the best feeling ever. Then I listen to her laugh and hear her say, *Oh Grammuah!!!* And how she pronounces it.Or how she softly sings the Abc's and laughs when you swing her though the air.
Then I am touched by tiny little hand or that heartfelt hug around the neck. Nothing like it in my book.
We rested in that chair tucked together as the sun streamed in warming both of us.As we rocked quietly she smiled so did I.
Later on her Dad came to get her. He asked her how her day was. She said * We had a good quiet day.* And that we did.
Later that day I talked to my sisters about their day. I have to laugh they tease me about being a grandma and the oldest. I tease them about being younger and wishing they could be me.
My sister in the Left tells me that life is hard and why . I tell her I love her no mater what comes in life. I m there for her and she for me.
I talk to the sister on the Right and she tells me about her day. She reminds me to be careful as I m ready to go out. I tell her she sounds like our Mother. She tells me oh I suppose I look like her to. I chuckle and say ..yes you do. And we both laugh.
Later I also talk to my Daughter about her day and her darling daughter.
Three generations melted together . Talking about family and things that concern and make us happy to be one family.
That night I go to bed feeling loved. I fall in to our bed, pull the blankets up and the moon light tumbles in through the blinds. I feel the warmth that graces me. I am loved.

Halo of Hope

Lately I a have been thinking about hope and what it offers. So many situations in life bring us dark tormenting clouds about us.Been there done that and no matter what happens. I can always seem to find some sort of something that brings a crack in those clouds and lets in a small speck of light. With that light comes hope.
My past is powerful in that there were so many emotions that came to the top.Anger,confusion, denial( a big one)and a whole lot of grief. Losing the life I had was really one of the hardest things that happened to me. Amazingly hope no matter what happened was always there. A new fresh life emerges.
There is not doubt in my mind that its a huge process to go through and to get to the other side. I also think as you go for check-ups repeat tests all of it, those black clouds some rolling in...and is fight to say. *I have Hope.* I will depend on my faith to get me through. Hope and Faith do come hand in hand. Powerful tools in life in any circumstance we might have to deal with in life.
Wishing you blessings today.

Just A Thought.

The meaning of your life is what you infuse it with - beauty or ugliness, happiness or sadness. I have always thought that was a a choice part of free will given to us.
Even when bad things happen to good people. I still think we have the free will to make the choice of our attitude and how we handle things.
Just my thought for today.
Wishing you blessings.

Stillness and Waiting.

Lately I have been nesting , cocooning or yeasting not sure which. All of these things to me mean waiting. Dwelling in stillness and quiet.
Long time ago I read the book. When The Heart Waits by Susan Monk. It always happens that I read it in the fall. It was written back in 92 and I remember thinking how this book affected me then.
I started reading it again this week..little by little. It struck me that many things happen in life and we are forced to stand in chaos. Then tonight I read this and after a long talk with a friend today.Its so true. Life happens and you dive in. I gotta look up and think okay...lets just do it! God always gives me someone who gives me a message..Always.
*If think God leads you only besides still waters , think again. God will lead you beside turbulent waters .If you have the courage to enter , you'll think your drowning.But actually you will be churned in to something new.*
Now I have been thinking a lot about that.If we did not have all these life altering experiences happen. Then what??
Would our vision be so clear??
Newness think about it for a second. If we did not have crisis , change and things that totally blister our spirit. Things that leave us flat out groping. Things that have us hanging on by a thread. Than what?
Sometime ago I did a painting called After The Storm. I look back now and realize that I was waiting for change and better health at that point.There is a painful reminder that graces the painting in the bright colors. It reminds me that works of art do not just happen in good times but they happen to while we are churning and change is happening as we paint though it. I do believe now that through all of and the waiting that comes with it we do become new.
I'm here to say I get it.
Its funny I get it and I don't know where I m going from here. It sure hasn't happened over night. Amazing what God does while we wait.

Wishing you and yours blessings.

One Common Thread.

Tonight, I feel so lucky to still have my dear friend Melissa. You see Melissa and I share Lymphoma,one common thread that bonds us as friends.
She has had treatment that did not work. Then a Stem Cell Transplant. Her disease returned. We are both devastated. She because its hers..and me because she has to deal with all this again.
We met on line five years ago in an online cancer community. Where the overtone there has changed so drastically lately. Its been uncomfortable for both of us to talk about our cancers let alone feel okay about what we need to talk about. So we have talked a lot in yahoo and emails.
Unfortunately in real life not everyone sees eye to eye . You meet people that don't agree with our standards. You find others are not there for the same reasons or do not care enough or as we do.
Melissa was hospitalized for almost a month and was on a ventilator up until about ten days ago. Thanks to many caring people and lots of prayers she is still with us. She knows she is one lucky lady . I know to.
Tonight she signed in letting me know more info and telling me her first treatment
of chemo reduced her tumor by 50%.Thank God!! Normally you wouldn't get to know that but due to her complications knowing that its responding is a positive thing.
Next week she has round 2 of treatment. Please send up some prayers in her behalf if your the praying kind.
Thanks in advance.

Overflowing.

Tonight, I went into the hall linen closet,I have one shelf up top where I have put many small things I have received over the years.
Tucked in the back was an old photo box. I remember picking it because the outside was bright and cheerful. I had forgotten where I had put it. Just seeing it brought back so many memories flooding back.
I sat on the floor in front of the closet under the light of the hallway. Lifting the lid carefully. So many cards and letters people sent us when we needed encouragement. Art work from the classes where I worked as a at risk aide.
Just seeing the overflowing box reminded me of how people really cared for us.
One of my friends sent cards daily during my first treatment. Also leaving cookies and Chicken Soup For The Soul books when she could.
Written words of encouragement are extremely powerful and can be read over and over again. Making them a huge gift when you need comfort during hard times.
As I sat there reading tonight,there were smiles and tears. I am thankful as well for the overflowing prayers that were said. I am still in awe at times of the encouragement I received.

Never To Old To Learn.

Oh my gosh all that to make a banner or header with an angel on it. I found a grand total of two that I liked. I searched the sites of blog backgrounds and templates.
Then decided I didn't like what I found. Or maybe its because my monitor is smaller and I couldn't tell what they looked like totally.
So I went on Scrap blog and made my own. After hours of fussing I realized that Mozilla Foxfire was the the problem! Holy Morley I went on Internet Explorer and it was so much faster saving it as I went. Literally I was done in 1O minutes. The biggest problem was that I couldn't get it to go anyplace. So I cheated put it to print they pasted the whole screen it to Paint. Edited it down and this what I came up with.
This is one of my favorite photo. Yes I did take it. I was going to put it up alone but then I changed it I know to fussy,but that's the artist in me . Plus I wanted to put welcome on it. In the the garden where this statue sits in a beautiful rose garden and there are tons of sparrows in there and other birds. So it only seemed fitting that the sparrow sat with the welcome. The garden sits on the side of the lake near the War Memorial Church . It draws you in its so peaceful there.
So now that I spent my afternoon tinkering on the computer....I need to get something else accomplished. However I met the goal I made for today. That always feels good no matter how long it takes you to get there! Plus your never to young to learn a few things.
Have a great night . I m off to make some popcorn and watch a movie.I love Saturday!!

Wishing you blessings.

So True

*The Grace I was given was a gift that I cherish to be sure, but I have to remind myself when I see the little and silly crap around me and in life, that the bigger context is what's important.* David another blogger~

Sometimes I read a comment or a post from another blog and I have to stop and think about things. I have been dealing with a situation where the above applies. There is nothing I can do to change it but I can't let it take me down either.
So I will sit here and let it go.
As I sit here this morning I agree that its the bigger context that is important. So much is over taken by little silly crap that those things when it comes right down to fall to the wayside.
Nothing better the Grace to prove the point.

Wishing you blessings!

Last month has been really busy. On Sundays Hubby and I , grab our cameras and drive to the country. Or up around the lake because the colors are awesome.
This week weekend we were able to stop by a local antique and art shop. The man who runs it is a photographer who loves old camera equipment. I gotta tell you so do I and its my one weakness. I still love old 35mm cameras and film. Reqardless of digital and how its changed photography. I can't totally ditch my 35mm or give it up completely. I don't think they will do away with film in my life time.
So I came a way from the shop with a older Nikon 35mm and a great lens. For extremely cheap.

When I was in college for Advertising Design. I had to take photography to graduate. I had an old FTb QL Canon with a basic lens all manual. I still have that camera today all original equipment. Just wanted to update to a automatic..which can be used as a manual as well. So thats what I did.

I was also asked if I wanted to sell that Canon and the gear. I can't part with it. As the story goes I was in college in my first photography class . I had to take a photograph of someone I did not know. That person happened to end to be my Husband about 35 yrs ago. So the picture of Him that day and the camera gear,
really holds sentimental value. I think more so then any I own. So selling it would be like selling a memory.
Is the only camera for years so..Not selling!

Anyways...Love the fall and hate to see winter come this year. It means being inside a lot and I m not fond of that..or the cold!

I'm off to have dinner with Hubby and my Boys!!

Wishing you blessings!